What is it with me and photography - admittedly I've finally made some progress and got to grips with aperture....in principle. Well sort of. Actually, thinking about it, I probably don't understand it at all.....well certainly not in practice. Ok, let's start again.......
...what is it with me and photography - I just don't seem to be able to understand anything. My other half bought me a fantastic camera a couple of years ago. He was insistent I got a digital SLR rather than just upgrade my point and shoot. I was reluctant as I had previous history albeit pre digital with an old Zenith my father had bought second hand as a birthday present.
That old camera was built like a brick and although it looked fairly benign it regularly had me in tears having built up my anticipation only to leave me frustrated, confused and finally resigned; a photographer I would not be. After all my grandfather was renowned for being crap as well - it obviously ran in the family (but why was I getting all the shoddy genes?)
I used to spend all my pocket money on film and processing. Buy the film one week then spend a few weeks taking pictures. Week three would be sending the film off, then came the wait - the anticipation, the nervous excitement. Finally the tears.
If I got two or three pictures out of the whole film (and I was always really good at getting the film in and managing at least 39 exposures per film) that were in focus I'd be lucky - forget exposure. Pretty much every picture used to have it's own little sticker advising me of my mistake! They must have thought some kid got hold of the camera.
Anyhows I tried everything (even a new boyfriend who just happened to be a photographer) but nothing seemed to work so to save what was left of my self esteem and sanity the camera went. After 18 months I had 18 packs of photos and two pictures that were worth keeping, one black and white portrait of a complete stranger but so sharply focussed and perfectly exposed it was worthy of something and a silouette of an apple - ok not so great but not a blur in sigth.
So yeah, two years ago I very reluctantly received a digital SLR. I ended up agreeing by convincing myself that my previous ineptitude was down to being a glasses wearer - my lenses were obviously getting in the way of the camera lens. I've since had laser surgery - so no glasses no problem. Oh boy!
It has to be some sort of mental block. I dont consider myself completely stupid, I know I'm not stupid. Without sounding like a complete twat I know I'm actually quite a bit above average intelligence so why do I find it so bloody difficult to grasp? I'm hoping with either enough persistence or a sudden eureka moment it will all fall into place and I can become the happy snapper I want to be.
I went on a days course a few months back- after the reading of several text books failed to sink in but was left more demoralised than I thought possible. I went with high hopes, after all I was pretty confident that I'd be fine at composition - balance, perpsctive, colour, lead lines etc, my art background was solid. I just needed someone to show me how to use the bloody camera. I wanted to get out of automatic and start using it as it was supposed to be used.
I was the youngest by about 40 years apart form a couple of school kids who came with cameras provided as they were unsure if it was something they wanted to take up. The rest, like me, were wanting to escape automatic.
Lets just say it was a bloody disaster. After a couple of hours in the classroom we went out to take pics, the idea being we'd have a show and tell later. I thought I did ok and went back with hundreds of pictures full of confidence. To be honest I was feeling pretty smug. You tend to, I find, just before some sort of impromptu or ritual humiliation
Basically we were shown the pics - everybody else had 15-20 pictures each that we all ooh and ahhed over. I had 4 - basically to point out the 'what not to dos. (looking back this was actually a nine-fold improvement on the 1 in 36 but it wasn't what came immediately to mind)
I was by-passed on the the final round the table feedback but afterwards was told they really didn't know what I it was I wasn't getting! I said everything, they said it really isn't that difficult, I said I know (the rest of the group had proved that) but I'm still not getting it they said keep trying, I said what, pressing random buttons? It was all very messy and I'm ashamed to say ended with tears.
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