I would like to thank all gods, earth mothers and other deities for my mammary glands and their spectacular failure for both of my pregnancies.
Not because I didn't want to breast feed and would therefore avoid the Breastapo police sending me on a guilt trip every time they came round - preaching in the most reproachful and condescending manner without actually tutting; didn't I know I was going to end up in hell?
They could have had a field day as I was also (through choice) a single mother on benefits (not by choice) which meant my kids were absolutely going to catch every disease going, be asthmatic, be in the bottom percentile at school, be pig ugly (I'm not sure what the logic behind this one was or if there were any studies backing it up but it's what the health visitors were saying and they're as close to proper witches as is so it must have been true!) and basically fail at life.
So, like I said, thank all gods and goddesses I had my little get out of jail free card to push in front of their noses and thus avoided being the local pariah.
Of course I wanted to breast feed; it's cheaper, more convenient, healthier (probably) and would have made me look like the responsible mother I was trying really hard to convey..... I mean be! Luckily my breasts had other ideas and simply refused to lactate.
So why am I thanking non existent entities and feeling so lucky I had such pathetically useless equipment, especially when according to the latest study breast fed babies also turn out better behaved?
Well both my kids turned out healthy & robust, in the top ten percentile all through school, confident, socially responsible, and mostly well behaved (both went through stroppy periods but whose didn't?) and basically real high achievers to the extent that I'm a little in awe of them both. Had I breast fed, according to the experts, both could have ended up god-like geniuses and no body likes a smart arse.
This isn't meant as a look how good I did as a mum piece. It's meant as a don't give in and become a statistic piece - just because the indicators lean towards a shitty outcome / tidy you away into the 'failed' pigeon-hole doesn't mean you have to accept it. Buck the trend - it's immensely satisfying and really upsets them!
Not because I didn't want to breast feed and would therefore avoid the Breastapo police sending me on a guilt trip every time they came round - preaching in the most reproachful and condescending manner without actually tutting; didn't I know I was going to end up in hell?
They could have had a field day as I was also (through choice) a single mother on benefits (not by choice) which meant my kids were absolutely going to catch every disease going, be asthmatic, be in the bottom percentile at school, be pig ugly (I'm not sure what the logic behind this one was or if there were any studies backing it up but it's what the health visitors were saying and they're as close to proper witches as is so it must have been true!) and basically fail at life.
So, like I said, thank all gods and goddesses I had my little get out of jail free card to push in front of their noses and thus avoided being the local pariah.
Of course I wanted to breast feed; it's cheaper, more convenient, healthier (probably) and would have made me look like the responsible mother I was trying really hard to convey..... I mean be! Luckily my breasts had other ideas and simply refused to lactate.
So why am I thanking non existent entities and feeling so lucky I had such pathetically useless equipment, especially when according to the latest study breast fed babies also turn out better behaved?
Well both my kids turned out healthy & robust, in the top ten percentile all through school, confident, socially responsible, and mostly well behaved (both went through stroppy periods but whose didn't?) and basically real high achievers to the extent that I'm a little in awe of them both. Had I breast fed, according to the experts, both could have ended up god-like geniuses and no body likes a smart arse.
This isn't meant as a look how good I did as a mum piece. It's meant as a don't give in and become a statistic piece - just because the indicators lean towards a shitty outcome / tidy you away into the 'failed' pigeon-hole doesn't mean you have to accept it. Buck the trend - it's immensely satisfying and really upsets them!
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