There's been a lot of Prof Brian Cox on the telly machine over the last few months, much of which I've been watching and enjoying; whether it's his simple but enthusiastic series' introducing us to more complex science or his guest appearances on those slightly to the left field panel shows the BBC are so good at, he's always been good viewing.
However, watching him has led to many assumptive comments. Apparently, being female, the only driver for my viewing should be his shaggability - which of course got me thinking.
If I was a feminist I should probably have been complaining about people assuming girls don't like/don't get/have no interest in science but I bypassed this and went straight to the burning and most important question which was (in laddish) 'would I do the Prof?'
It seems a bit of a no brainer really; he's not unattractive, it looks as if he's got all his own hair and teeth, he's obviously intelligent, and if he shows as much passion as he does on all things physics you're not going to be too quick to complain!
So what's stopping me? (Yes, I know, this is all theoretical - the chances of me bumping into him in Waterstones as I happen to be thumbing through a suitably complex piece of text and our eyes meeting etc etc. But, if quantum physics and /or string theory is correct -this is actually happening on one of those parallel universes out there!)
As I was saying, I was having a bit of a think.....which, if you're being pedantic, might be better described as 'having a bit of a fantasy'..... it was all going understandably well (I'd obviously dropped a few pounds, lost a couple of years and a few other things were defying the laws of gravity and looking much perter), the opening scene was promising and all was looking pretty good but then I said his name and it all came to a jaw stopping halt.
And there we have it. Today I have discovered I couldn't do Prof Brian Cox (In this Universe anyway.) because it seems I find the idea of doing anything with a Brian slightly unsettling.
Of course this got me thinking a bit more - was it just Brians' or did I have an aversion to being physical with other names, and how could a name reduce what seems like a perfectly understandable fantasy with a recognisably accepted shaggable man into tatters?
On the plus side it turns out Brians shouldn't feel left out, Grahams, Alans, Si's, Nigels and Jasons also made it onto a reasonably lengthy list*.
So was Shakespeare wrong when he penned 'a rose by any other name'? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe this proves once and for all that it isn't love at first sight - that you can only get jiggy with it, without the aid of beer goggles, once you've got to know somebody and can therefore forgive them their unfortunate name.
But why are some names less attractive than others -is it as simple as name association; did I know another Brian who was a bit of a twat? Or can I blame my informative viewing years and the Magic Roundabout with that miserable, moaning, arse kissing, slimy little gastropod for ruining what could have been a fairly enjoyable fantasy. (If I was a lesbian Ermintrude wouldn't get a look in either!)
So what have I learned today? Today I've learned that unless I actually meet and get to know Prof Brian Cox I'm never going to be able to have virtual sex with him. I've learned that Romeo and Juliet must have been pretty cool names or they'd already got to know each other before they ended up drinking poison/practising extreme self harm. And I've learned that the Magic Roundabout had far more of an impact on my sex life*** than I or anyone else could have believed possible.
Here's to that parallel universe where I'm having much fun with Brian!
* this list started off a few** names longer but then I remembered I couldn't be averse to certain names as previous exploits had proved.
** I suspect I maybe being stalked by 'the better half' who's under the impression my previous life was a lot less interesting than it actually was***
***If the other half has found me I'm probably putting his socks back on whilst explaining how none of this explains why he still doesn't get any - virtual or otherwise!
NB for those that know me, who are desperately wanting to point out the inclusion of Alan in the list, knowing there's an Alan in my shag pass (non laminated)- you need to understand that in all my fantasies I'd never dare call him by his name and therefore this rule doesn't apply.
NB for those that know me, who are desperately wanting to point out the inclusion of Alan in the list, knowing there's an Alan in my shag pass (non laminated)- you need to understand that in all my fantasies I'd never dare call him by his name and therefore this rule doesn't apply.
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