Why cant I say what I think when something pisses me off? Am I just chicken or is there a deep rooted reason for my inability to grow a pair when confronted with something that I find disagreeable. I come home from work raging because I've had more work dumped on me, been blamed for something, asked to do something I feel is wrong and while screaming inside that this is all bollocks I just get on with it.
I'll scream and shout at the tosser who's just cut me up but if given the opportunity to speak to them directly wouldn't say a word. I see people dropping litter, parking in disabled spaces when it's obvious from the speed they then run into the shop, they're at least fully functioning in the limb department, and I walk on.
Why is this? Why do I hate confrontation? Why, even when it has a direct impact on me, do my lips remain sealed? When did I learn this behaviour and how can I break it?
The big question I guess is nature or nurture? My urge is to go down the nurturing road, I have clear memories of being told not to make a fuss, it isn't worth it, it's not our place. My parents were concious they'd only just achieved lower middle classdom and didn't want to rock the boat -besides it's an easy cop out to blame the parents. But if nurture is the cause why do my three siblings find it so easy to stick up for themselves, not take any shit and as a result are all successful go getters?
Perhaps it's nature then - it's just the way I am - maybe I've got a bit of a squiffy chromosome somewhere in my coding? If this is the case am I a lost cause unless all those gene therapy institutes suddenly decide the most vital area for research is the wimp gene and promptly discard all their work on cancers and genetic diseases? Or is there a why to reprogramme myself?
Either way, whether it's nature or nurture, I need to break the cycle.
So where to start?
More later.......
I'll scream and shout at the tosser who's just cut me up but if given the opportunity to speak to them directly wouldn't say a word. I see people dropping litter, parking in disabled spaces when it's obvious from the speed they then run into the shop, they're at least fully functioning in the limb department, and I walk on.
Why is this? Why do I hate confrontation? Why, even when it has a direct impact on me, do my lips remain sealed? When did I learn this behaviour and how can I break it?
The big question I guess is nature or nurture? My urge is to go down the nurturing road, I have clear memories of being told not to make a fuss, it isn't worth it, it's not our place. My parents were concious they'd only just achieved lower middle classdom and didn't want to rock the boat -besides it's an easy cop out to blame the parents. But if nurture is the cause why do my three siblings find it so easy to stick up for themselves, not take any shit and as a result are all successful go getters?
Perhaps it's nature then - it's just the way I am - maybe I've got a bit of a squiffy chromosome somewhere in my coding? If this is the case am I a lost cause unless all those gene therapy institutes suddenly decide the most vital area for research is the wimp gene and promptly discard all their work on cancers and genetic diseases? Or is there a why to reprogramme myself?
Either way, whether it's nature or nurture, I need to break the cycle.
So where to start?
More later.......
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