Many of these 'pet hates' are universally recognised and acknowledged, a few may be unique to me, but all have an impact; whether it's a manageable blip or a catastrophic show stopper that ruins my day.
One of the reasons for starting this blog was as an outlet to the daily rage I experience through the idiocy or ignorance and subsequent behaviours of others whose paths I cross on a daily basis.
Unfortunately I seem to be going through a quiet patch at the moment so as I'm lacking material for a good old fashioned rant, I've decided to dedicate todays blog to listing the most regular offenders - who knows, maybe I'll find it a little cathartic!
Being a rather 'functional' person I was hoping there was a scale of severity I could apply but there isn't, so I can't. I do however need to define what falls into the remit of a pet hate. I've therefore decided that because some behaviours are more severe than others they can be dismissed for the purposes of this exercise. Some are so nasty-bad, laws have been introduced as preventative measures; classed as criminal acts these include the usual suspects; murder, stealing; bestiality etc. Then there's those that, while not having any illegality attached, would result in an ASBO or, at the very least, a stiff letter to the Daily Mail.
Using the Pareto principle I've therefore discarded 80% of the most unsavoury acts - those too severe to be called 'pet hates', the remaining 20% I've tried to further classify into sub groups - if only to demonstrate my anal tendencies!
Being a rather 'functional' person I was hoping there was a scale of severity I could apply but there isn't, so I can't. I do however need to define what falls into the remit of a pet hate. I've therefore decided that because some behaviours are more severe than others they can be dismissed for the purposes of this exercise. Some are so nasty-bad, laws have been introduced as preventative measures; classed as criminal acts these include the usual suspects; murder, stealing; bestiality etc. Then there's those that, while not having any illegality attached, would result in an ASBO or, at the very least, a stiff letter to the Daily Mail.
Using the Pareto principle I've therefore discarded 80% of the most unsavoury acts - those too severe to be called 'pet hates', the remaining 20% I've tried to further classify into sub groups - if only to demonstrate my anal tendencies!
Personal Hygiene & Bathroom Etiquette
1. If you're gonna piss on the toilet seat clean it off afterwards - strange as it may sound I don't enjoy sitting in your piss!
2. I don't know how wee wee got on the toilet roll but however it did, don't do it again!
3. Leave the toilet seat in the same configuration as you found it, I promise to return the courtesy.
4. Why are you under the assumption that finishing the toilet roll means no one will ever need the loo again? Just replace the roll!
1. If you're gonna piss on the toilet seat clean it off afterwards - strange as it may sound I don't enjoy sitting in your piss!
2. I don't know how wee wee got on the toilet roll but however it did, don't do it again!
3. Leave the toilet seat in the same configuration as you found it, I promise to return the courtesy.
4. Why are you under the assumption that finishing the toilet roll means no one will ever need the loo again? Just replace the roll!
Visitor Etiquette
1. Whether I turn lights off when exiting a room is for environmental or economical reasons doesn't matter, either way it IS for a good reason. Why then, when you're here, do you to make sure I've maximised my wattage output? Just turn the friggin' lights off after you!
2. Shoe's aren't meant to be worn in the house, if they were why would we bother with carpets? If I wanted you to tread crap through the house every time you visited I'd ask you to!
3. See that coaster - the one on that table? Guess what, it's there for a reason! You may think otherwise but I prefer my furniture ringless.
4. I don't care how cute your kid is wipe his f**king sticky fingers before you let him get down from the table. - This is the only kid one I'm putting on today's blog - it's already got my veins pulsing. I shall save the rest for another slow day.
Out & About
1. Do I look like the twatting doorman? If someone holds the door open for you just say thanks. It takes very little effort but has massive impact if omitted.
2. On the flip side - don't let the person following you through the door break a nose - it's very basic door manners!
Door Manners
It goes like this; you go through a door, but (and it's a crucially big but) but, before letting go of the door and proceeding on your way, you look behind you to see if there's someone else wishing to use the same portal. If there is you hold the door open for them so they may pass through. If, on walking through the door and off on their way they then fail to acknowledge your polite door manners you say, "no, really, that's quite all right. Don't mind me I'm just the sodding doorman!"
3. I'm standing in this line in order to purchase some goods. Standing in line ensures efficiency, fairness and order. It's called queueing and it's a great way to get rid of a shed load of vowels in scrabble. It may have started during the later stages of the neolithic era, it may not have really taken off until the World Wars when rationing was all the rage, I care not. What I would like our continental and overseas cousins to understand is that it really pisses me off when the unwritten rules aren't followed. Think of it as something quaint you did when visiting on your hols.
NOTE: Old ladies are, always have been and always will be, exempt from this practice. I'm not sure why, maybe it's because they have sharp elbows, mostly it's because they have a particular smell that sticks in your throat, but whatever the reason, we are all agreed they have earned the right to push in. You haven't!
1. Do I look like the twatting doorman? If someone holds the door open for you just say thanks. It takes very little effort but has massive impact if omitted.
2. On the flip side - don't let the person following you through the door break a nose - it's very basic door manners!
Door Manners
It goes like this; you go through a door, but (and it's a crucially big but) but, before letting go of the door and proceeding on your way, you look behind you to see if there's someone else wishing to use the same portal. If there is you hold the door open for them so they may pass through. If, on walking through the door and off on their way they then fail to acknowledge your polite door manners you say, "no, really, that's quite all right. Don't mind me I'm just the sodding doorman!"
3. I'm standing in this line in order to purchase some goods. Standing in line ensures efficiency, fairness and order. It's called queueing and it's a great way to get rid of a shed load of vowels in scrabble. It may have started during the later stages of the neolithic era, it may not have really taken off until the World Wars when rationing was all the rage, I care not. What I would like our continental and overseas cousins to understand is that it really pisses me off when the unwritten rules aren't followed. Think of it as something quaint you did when visiting on your hols.
NOTE: Old ladies are, always have been and always will be, exempt from this practice. I'm not sure why, maybe it's because they have sharp elbows, mostly it's because they have a particular smell that sticks in your throat, but whatever the reason, we are all agreed they have earned the right to push in. You haven't!
Road Rage
It's late, I'm tired, you're probably losing the will to live. This little section could take hours to complete with the accuracy to convey may rage and therefore I'm passing until I can give it the attention it deserves. Instead I'll leave it with a few bullet points...
1. Middle lane drivers
2. Roundabout lane drifters
3. Guess where I'm going coz my blinking sticks wont tell you
4. Taxi drivers
5. Sunday drivers at 07:30 mon-fri
* Unless committed by someone I love and then it's managed through the traditional practice of black silence - its one directional nature being felt physically from the pit of the stomach by the reproachful recipient, feared by all.
1. Middle lane drivers
2. Roundabout lane drifters
3. Guess where I'm going coz my blinking sticks wont tell you
4. Taxi drivers
5. Sunday drivers at 07:30 mon-fri
* Unless committed by someone I love and then it's managed through the traditional practice of black silence - its one directional nature being felt physically from the pit of the stomach by the reproachful recipient, feared by all.
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